The Jerry Springer Show
by Morag X. Henegev
Summary: 4th PART UP! 'When Daughters Get Bad', with Parvati and Padma doing rather unethical job, and Lucius Malfoy as their pimp (with Pimp Cane) r/r
1. My Father Wants Me to Marry Woman I Don'...

I don't watch "Jerry Springer" Show (I watched it before, and I believed it, really), but not anymore. So I got the idea how would look like if I bring Harry Potter characters to Jerry.

# Jerry Springer's Show 1

"My FatherWant me To Marry Woman I Don't Like"

The Guy That Talks (don't know how he is called): And now welcome to your host JERRY SPRINGER

[Instead of Jerry, a girl with brown hair, and dressed in black robes, with cardinal red (love that color, so I always use it) come in. [Everybody boo in the audience, including Dumbledore and McGonagall who are on their first date]

Audience: BOO! BOO! WE WANT JERRY; WE WANT JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY.

[Audience somehow becomes quiet, and then Maria goes]

Maria: I'm sorry to inform you, but Jerry is sick.

Audience: Oh no!

Maria: But I have good news for ya all! I will be hosting!

Audience: Double oh no!

Maria: Now shut up, and if you don't like it you can go your homes.

[Audience starts slowly moving towards the door, but door were locked]

Maria: Did I mention that the guy who's in charge of all of this thought of the possibility that you may want to leave so he locked the door. You'll have to stay here till the end of the show.

Audience: [muttering, and gossiping "the guy in charge"]

Maria: Today's topic is: "My Father Want me To Marry Woman I Don't like". Here we have LUCIUS MALFOY!!

[Lucius Malfoy comes out, and sits on one of the chairs]

Ron Weasley (from the audience): That's the Death Eater!

Neville Longbottom (from the audience also): Death to Death Eater!!!!

Severus Snape (dressed as Neville's gran, he adopted Neville, and now he's making him up that Neville lost his gran): Shut Up Longbottom. [Snape pulls Neville for his shorts, and Neville sits down]

Maria: So Lucius, have you always been so handsome or is it just today for me?

Lucius: Both. I am already handsome, but this is especially for you today.

[Maria blushes. Everyone know that she has BIG crush on Lucius Malfoy]

McNair (from the audience): You can flirt somewhere else. GET TO THE TOPIC!

Maria: So Lucius, you have problems with your son?

Lucius: Unfortunately.

Maria: What happened?

Lucius: Well I don't know how to say this… it's shame for name of Malfoys,… but Draco wants to marry a Mudblood.

Audience (gasping and muttering something for themselves)

Maria: I'm really sorry.

Lucius: Hey wait you are interweaving me, and you still didn't tell me are you pureblood, half blood, Mudblood, or just a filthy Muggle?

Maria: Well I am a pureblood. But my mother was a vampire. 

Lucius: Don't mind that, my father was a vampire, too.

Maria: Really

Lucius: I'm not lying.

Voldemort (from the audience): Maria it's so obvious that you have crush on Lucius, but if you don't start hosting this TV show normally, I will have to cancel it, and Jerry will lost his job.

Maria: Ok, OK, I will act normally [I just afraid that Jerry might lose his job, and he'll fail all those faithful people that love his great show]

Lucius: Yes Master, what ever you say.

Maria: So who's that Mudblood?

Lucius: That Hermione Granger.

Maria: She got such a nasty name.

Lucius: Hermione sounds as tough she is fat.

Maria: Well she is she could lose few hundred pounds.

Lucius: And my only son, the only Malfoy heir, Draco. Draco wants to marry her. 

Maria: Bad, very bad [Tears start in her eyes, but she wipe them before they didn't ruin her make up]

Lucius: He'll marry someone descent.

Maria: Like that Pansy Parkinson?

Lucius: Yeah she would be good wife for Draco.

Maria: Well here she is: PANSY PARKINSON [Pansy comes out with her broad smile, and pink robes, and red make up]

Audience: BOO! BOO!

Maria: Hello Pansy!

Pansy: Hello.[To Lucius] Hello father-in-law

Lucius: Hello Pansy.

Maria: So Pansy, do you like Draco?

Pansy, Lucius: Of course that I/she do/does!

Maria: Good for you two. Now Let me se what Draco thinks. And I give you DRACO MALFOY!

[Draco strolled into the studio]

Maria: Hello Draco!

Draco: Hey Maria? Whuzup?

[Lucius looks at Draco with his cold gray eyes]

Maria: Nothing much. I'm fine.

Pansy: Hello Drakeely Sweeteely Malfoy!

Draco: Hello bitch!

Pansy: [screams and that faints]

Maria: Fast someone give her mouth on mouth! 

[Hagrid runs on the stage, and gives her mouth on mouth]

Pansy: [dazed] Who are you handsome stranger?

Hagrid: I am Hagrid. Rubeus Hagrid.

Pansy: Oooooooh! [She faints again]

[Hagrid takes her backstage, and they run away together, happy, and in love]

Maria: Lucius, if Hagrid doesn't mind having Pansy that young, do you mind that I'm that much younger then you?

Lucius: Why would I. [He starts going towards her, but when he sees Voldemort he stops]

Maria: So now we lost Pansy, anyways she didn't worth being your wife Draco

Draco: I agree with that. She was stupid, and run away with that hairy monster.

Maria: And now HERMIONE GRANGER!

[Hermione comes out; Lucius tries to get on her, but bodyguards grab him on time]

Hermione: Hello Maria 

[Lucius looks at Maria, with look "You can't be nice to her"]

Maria: Shut up you Mudblood

Hermione: Draco she is being mean to me. Do something.

Lucius: He won't do anything. Won't you Draco?

Draco: Nah. First Hermy, I call you a Mudblood, so too bad. Second I like the girl, she may become my mom-in-law, so I don't want to be in bad relationships with members of my family.

Maria: [blushed again] If you say so Draco.

Draco: And I'm really tired of doing ya biddings. An' I'm too lazy for that.

Lucius: So Draco you still want to marry the Mudblood?

Draco: Something like that.

Lucius: I am your father…

Draco: Hello Dad. Ya know, be-fore ya told me I didn really know that we are family.

Lucius: Draco.

Draco: Ok, ok yar my father. 

Lucius: Now I want to know what do you see in her?

Draco: Notin. I'm jus rebellious type of dude.

Lucius: I can see that.

Maria: Draco would you like if I would meet you with a girl…

Lucius: Is she pureblood?

Maria: Lucius what do you think that I would like my daughter-in-law…

Lucius: We are not married yet.

Maria: …well my future one, to be a Mudblood?

Lucius: OK I get the point she's a pure blood.

Maria: And she's half Veela. And her name is Fleur. 

Audience: Fleur, Fleur, Fleur, Fleur….

Maria: Do you want to meet Fleur Draco?

Draco: A…

Hermione: Of course he doesn't.

Lucius: Well I don't care what does that Mudblood said, he'll meet her. Maria, call Fleur.

Maria: Everything for you Lucius. And now FLEUR DELACOUR!

[A pretty girl with white hair comes out on the stage. Draco who was pensive, jumps when he see her, and propose her on that place]

Draco: Wanna marry me?

Lucius: You better marry him, or else.

Fleur Yes, I want to marry you.

Audience: YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Snape hugs Neville, Dumbledore kissed McGonagall in her mouth, McNair and Voldemort start playing waltz]

[Mendelssohn's Wedding March starts playing, and Fleur and Draco go to the church for the wedding]

Maria: So Lucius, we are finally alone.

Lucius: Yes we are.

Hermione: Oh no I'm here. Lucius you are hot like your son…[Lucius blushes] ….would you take me for your wife instead of her?

Lucius: No, you are a Mudblood.

Maria: But you are still married?

Voldemort: McNair and me can fix that.

Lucius: Thanx boss.

Veldemort: Pleasure is all mine [He and McNair disappear then]

Maria:……. [she can't say anything, because Lucius is kissing her]

~The End~

Finally over. Me and my Lucius Malfoy crush.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, except Maria, or me, they all belong to wonderful JKR.


	2. He Killed My Parents, Now He Wants to Ki...

The second episode of my "The Jerry Springer Show". I don't know how will I handle it. At least I won't be hosting. My sister will. 

# Jerry Springer Show 2

He Killed My Parents, now He Wants to Kill Me

That guy that talks: And Now say welcome to your host: JERRY SPRINGER

Audience: YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[small, blond girl comes out]

Danny: Hello everyone! I have news for you. First Maria is on her honeymoon with Lucius Malfoy, so she won't be able to host the show.

Audience: YEAH!

Danny: But Jerry is unfortunately still sick, so I will be hosting the show!

Audience: NO!

Seamus Finnigan: Can't we have normal host once?

Danny: Well what was wrong with my sister?

McGoangall: She was sort of okay, but she spent more time flirting with Malfoy, instead of really hosting the show.

Danny: Well you know her…

McGonagall: Well we don't. She isn't our sister.

Snape: Young girl, you just earned a detention.

Danny: What? I'm going to Beauxbatons! But you can give my sister detention, when she comes back. She goes to Hogwarts.

Snape: But she is in Slytherin. And I can't give detention to any Slytherin. 

McGonagall: I heard it now. Now I have proofs that you favor students from your house. Now I'm going straight to Dumbledore.

[she runs away from the studio]

Snape: Oh no, you won't.

[he runs after her]

Danny: Well people don't be harsh on Snape and McGoangall. First McGonagall had crush on Snape, but he liked Madam Hooch. Then McGonagall hooked herself with Dumbledore, and Hooch dumped Snape, so Snape now is running after McGonagall.

McNair:Enough with that. I don't care for that Dumbledore, he didn't even come to see Jerry's show because he was afraid that I would be there. 

Danny: Well, actually he can't come, he broke his leg.

McNair: Just get on with the show, or I will come and host it next time!

Danny: Then fine! And today topic is: He Killed my Parents, Now He Wants To Kill Me!

Audience: Ooooooooohhhhhhhh!

Danny: And now I give you Tom M. Riddle a. k. a. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Voldemort: [Comes out]

Audience: Double Oooooooohhhhhhhhh!

Voldemort: [sits in the chair] What? 

Danny: So are you really You-Know-Who?

Voldemort: Of course I am.

Danny: So why did you kill James and Lily Potter?

Voldemort: Guess.

Danny: You loved Lily?

Voldemort: Nah…

Danny: Felt bored?

Voldemort: Nah…

Danny: They ate your whole peanut bitter jar?

Voldemort: Nah…

Danny: Maybe you loved James? Because Lily was a Muggle born witch? Lily was working in variety shop, and she didn't have enough money for exchange? 

Voldemort: Nah, nah, nah… 

Danny: I surrender. [she waves with white flag]

Voldemort: I killed them because James knew how to mown the lawn batter then me, and Lily cooked better soup then my wife did.

Danny: That's all? 

Voldemort: And James didn't like Pokeman. I have a Pickachu as my pet. 

Danny: Pokeman wasn't popular than. I mean they weren't there at all.

Voldemort: Now you will pay me. [he takes out a Pokeball, and Pickachu comes out] 

Pickachu: Picka, Picka.

Voldemort: Pickachu, electric shock. [Pickachu charges himself and hit Crabbe and Goyle who were in audience, with him electricity]

Danny: Cool can I have one?

Voldemort: No, they are just mine.

Danny: Fine if you want it that way. 

Voldemort: Would you go on with the show now?

Danny: OK, so why did you want to kill Harry Potter?

Voldemort: I didn't. Lucius Malfoy put Imperious Curse on me.

Danny: Lucius Malfoy? 

Voldemort: Yeah, the same person your sister in now on honeymoon in Venice.

Audience: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh!

Parvati: Maria told me they are going to Sri Lanka?

Danny: Well she told me they are going to Vienna, but she changed her mind.

Lavender: Why would she?

Danny: You know her. She needs two days to decide should she ware black or black with shades of gray, robes.

Voldemort: Shut up, or I will let my Pickachu on you!

Danny, Parvati, Lavender: Sorry.

Danny: So why did Lucius want Harry killed?

Voldemort: Well you know that Malfoys have all the best? 

Danny, and the audience: Of course we do!

Voldemort: So Lily and James bought a baby Harry better watch that they found for Draco. 

Danny: That's all?

Voldemort: [nodding with his ugly head]

Danny: Ok, and now I give you HARRY POTTER!

[Harry comes out, and sits on the opposite side of the studio where Voldemort is. Don't worry, the shield is between then, so they can't attack each others]

Harry: Voldemort…

Voldemort: Potter…

Danny: So guys how are you doing?

Harry: Fine.

Voldemort: Great.

Danny: Harry's what's bothering you?

Harry: Well Voldemort wants to kill me again.

Voldemort: Oh you sure can bet in that.

Danny: Why?

Voldemort: I don't know. Lucius Malfoy is the one that is head of the plan. I'm stupid why don't you ask him?

Danny: And unferotunately Lucius is now in Venice, but I give you DRACO MALFOY, his son!

[Draco comes out, and sits beside Voldemort]

Danny: Hello Draco! How are you?

Draco: I'm fuckin good? Howz ya doin'?

Danny: I'm doing fine.

Harry: Tell me Malfoy, why does Voldemort want to kill me?

Draco: Hey ya buddy. I jus recently marrie, so don ya ask me 'bout some stupid-faying killin', ask 'bout ma chick.

Harry: So how's your wife?

Draco: She'z doin' fine. Tanx fer askin'. 

Danny: So Draco, you should know that your father knows why Voldemort wants to kill Potter. But Voldemort doesn't know, what Lucius Malfoy knows, and he he doesn't know why should he kill Hary Potter. So we were wondering do you know that what your father knows, why does he wants Voldemort to kill Potter, and not to know reason. 

Draco: I dunno.

Voldemort: Oh this is so cool. Do you know Draco or don't?

Draco: Wha'? She didn' even ask me question properly.

Danny: We can make it short. Draco, Harry Potter is asking you why does Voldemort wants to kill him?

Draco: Ah getit now. I dunno. Mah father is one who wants Harry killed, and he kno' the plan

Danny: Do you know why he wants Harry killed?

Draco: Oh yeah, of course ah do. 'Arry, ya wer mean t me and him.

Harry: I wasn't mean at all.

Draco: Well, thatz what he sez.

Danny: So when is your father tell You-Know-Know the plan, so you You-Know-Who can kill Harry?

Draco: He he won'. He dozn wan 'Arry dead neemore.

Danny: So why we are hosting this show?

Voldemort: Don't know. Anyways I have to get to my pedicure in fifteen minutes. Ce ya guys. [Voldemort goes away]

[everybody goes away]

Danny: So you saw in today's episode….

[The cameraman turns the camera off]

~The and~

I'm not sure will I write next show.

~*Maria*~


	3. Default Chapter Title

Just read the story. This time I don't have anything to say.

# The Jerry Springer Show 3

My Pickachu is Evil

## 

## The guy that talks: And now I give you…

## Audience: Please let it be Jerry!

The guy that talks: Maria!!!!!!!!!!! 

[he quickly runs away, cause the audience starts throwing bottles and vegetable. but fortunately when Maria came they wasted their whole munitions store, so she stayed clean]

Maria: Key peeps, I know you aren't that happy to see me, but be merciful. I am a bad host, I know that, but Jerry himself asked me to host instead of him.

Hannah Abbott: You aren't bad host; you are just too much self-observed. And it's boring watching you flirt with Lucius Malfoy; we are interested in the show. 

Maria: _Cruci…_ [Fred and George run onto the stage, and save Hannah from the curse.]

Fred: We see that you learnt lots of things!

Maria: Oh you bet I did [she grins maliciously] you'll just see what have I leant. Mwahahahaha! Mwahahahaha!

George: Maria.

Maria: Sorry. 

Percy: Get on with the topic!

Maria: Oh are you going to order me? You cauldron bottom guy?

[Percy runs out of the studio crying]

Cho: Maria this isn't the Malfoy Manor, so you treat everyone as you wish!

Maria: Oh this isn't? [she places her hands in the same position as Mr Burns from "The Simpsons"] Excellent.

Cho: Get on with the show!

Maria: Oh really. Are you going to order me? 

Dumbledore: She won't, but I will.

[Maria curses someone or something]

Maria: Today's topic is: My Pickachu is Evil!

Neville: What is a Pickachu?

Maria: A Pokeman, you crybaby brat!

Snape: Yeah you brat!

Maria: And now I give you MASTER, I mean LORD VOLDEMORT!

[Voldemort runs in the studio, wearing shorts and a shirt]

Voldemort: Her Maria, like my new outfit.

Dumbledore: Cool!

Voldemort: Too bad you can't have it.

Maria: So my Lord, you had an evil Pokeman?

Voldemort: I did. [he sobs]

Maria: And what did that "evil" Pokeman do?

Voldemort: He was evil [he sobs even more]

Audience: Oooooooohhhhhhhhh!

Maria: Well how was he evil?

Voldemort: Well he was evil. He wasn't a Pokeman. He was… [whispers in Maria's, so she was the only one that heard him]

Maria: Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh!

Voldemort: That is true.

Maria: O-key. I give you PIKACHEEKA now!

[Pickacheeka comes out, and sits on the chair. Voldemort gets instantly in the chair that was farther away from Pickacheeka]

Maria: Hi Pickacheeka!

Pickacheeka: Hey Maria! How was your honeymoon with Lucius, in Venice?

Maria: We didn't go to Venice.

Voldemort: Yes you did. Your sister confirmed that you confirmed that is confirmed that you and Lucius confirmed that you are going to Venice.

Maria: That's right. But we wanted to Siberia.

Pickacheeka: Why Siberia?

Maria: I have no clue. Lucius thought it was cool. 

McNair: Get on with the show.

Maria: Ok. So you are evil Pickacheeka?

Pickacheeka: Yes and no!

Voldemort: What she is evil! She was Pickachu all this years just that she could rule the world using me!

Audience: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!

Maria: Oooooooohhhhh! Is that true Pickacheeka?

Pickacheeka: Yes and no.

Maria: Well it can't be yes and no! Is it yes or no?

Pickacheeka: Yes and no.

[suddenly Lucius comes in, and leaves him steel-heeled boots in the studio]

Lucius: Honey I'm home!

[then he sits on one of the chairs, and places his feet on the glass table]

Maria: Lucius! What the hell are you doing here? 

Lucius [cowering]: But Honey, aren't you happy I'm home.

Maria: Yes I am, but this is MY show, and you won't be ruining it [she yelled at him]

Lucius: Can I at least watch the show? Please honey. Please let me stay.

Maria: You can watch the show, but from home. I didn't send you from any reason to buy that 80' TV, so you can follow me everywhere!

Lucius: Fine then I want divorce!

Maria: Oh sorry, Lucius [she comes closer to him] I didn't mean to be so mean to you.

Lucius [hugs her]: I'm sorry.

[he tires to kiss her]

McNair: Get on with the show.

[they both jump, and Maria gets back to the place where she is standing, and Lucius sits beside Pickacheeka]

McNair: Why did you sit beside her?

Lucius: Geez Master, you smell very bad. 

Voldemort: Oh yeah, before I came to the show I was running little. Everybody: look at my sexy muscles 

[Voldemort stands up, and starts showing everyone his "sexy" muscles, while killing Neville and Dean Thomas from the smell of his armpit]

[Pickacheeka shows Lucius a sign like she wants to vomit. he agrees with her]

Maria: Ok we saw your "sexy" muscles, now back to the show.

McNair: Hey that was my line. I always have to remind you to get back to the show. It's not fair.

[he exits the studio]

Maria: So the Pickachu was evil one. Aha! I see it. Now we here we have DRACO MALFOY

Draco [from behind the stage]: Hey ya peepz! Woodja wait few secondz fer me!

Lucius: Draco, if I get you there, they will be waiting for you until you get out of the hospital! [Lucius yelled]

Maria: Lucius don't be so harsh on your son!

Lucius: Maria I told you ten billion time that it's not your problem to look after him. He is my son!

Maria: Fine.

Voldemort: :sign: Matrimonial fights.

Lucius, Maria: Shut up!

Pickacheeka: Hey, yo Voldemort, do you really hate me so much?

Voldemort: Yes I do.

[She just stood up to see is Draco coming, when Voldemort screamed]

Pickachu: Hey, I'm not trying to kill you?

Voldemort: I know that you are! Don't lie to me Isabelle!

Pickacheeka: My name isn't Isabelle?

Voldemort: It isn't? Oh yes, how smart, changing your name every week so police can't find you. 

Pickacheeka: My name is Pickacheeka you…

[she becomes Pickachu, and hits Voldemort with electric attack]

Lucius: Draco, are you finished yet?

Draco: Oh shutup! I'm comin' in few minitz!

Lucius: Better you come, or if I do, JKRowling will have to make new villain.

Maria: LUCIUS!

Draco: Leave him alone. I'm coming.

[Draco comes out, wearing Rasta clothes]

Lucius [he just stares at his son]

Draco: Hey yo, howdja like ma new jerzy?

Maria: [wants to say that is nice, but Lucius look at her, and she finally shut up]

Pickacheeka: That's not jersey.

Draco: I know, but [turns around, and when he sees Pickacheeka he get on his knees and proposes her] woulja marry me, you Pickachu chick?

Pickacheeka: [runs away screaming]

[Draco fallows her]

[Lucius goes after Draco]

[Maria follows Lucius]

[Lord Voldemort follows Maria]

Et cetera

~The end~

It was idiotic. Well at least you haven't read mine rough first copy of "Malfoys Meet the Dursleys" story. It's idiotic. If I continue writing it with that tempo, I'll have to rate it R or maybe NC17.

~*Maria*~


	4. When Daughters Go Bad

"For those who have accepted the burden of shame  
for the innocent only guilt will remain'  
  
The Trial, Dead Can Dance from the album 'Dead Can Dance'   
  
Advocating: Jerry Springer nor anyone Harry Potter related belongs to me.   
  
______________________________________________________________________________  
  
-"AND THE MEN'S BEST FRIEND, JERRY SPRINGER?"   
  
(Jerry comes out)  
  
Jerry: The title of today's show is 'When Daughters Go Bad'  
  
(the camera turns to the stage)  
  
Jerry: Today we have the Patil twins here with us, Padma and Parvati Patil.  
  
(the camera does a close up on them. Padma is wearing acid green tight tube top and tight Bongo jeans, while Parvati is wearing tight black vinyl dress, each of their breasts popping out.)  
  
Jerry: Would you tell us why are you here today?  
  
Padma: Well Jerry, me and my sister have come to your show to tell our boyfriends, Seamus and Dean, that we are stripping for money.   
  
Jerry: You are striping for money? But you are only fifteen.   
  
Parvati: Yes, we know, but we though that it's better than selling our body for sex, like Lavender Brown does.   
  
Jerry: I see. So for how long have you two been doing this job?  
  
Padma: We started last year when we needed cash. And it is a great job, really, men respect you, they give you money...  
  
Jerry: Men respect you? That is one of the worst jobs... Men don't respect you...  
  
Parvati: They do, Jerry, they really do.   
  
Jerry: So how long have you been dating your boyfriends?  
  
Padma: Parvati started going out with Dean last year, before we started stripping, and Seamus and I just hooked together recently.   
  
Jerry: Well, do you have any protection in this business?  
  
Parvati: Yes, we are not prostitutes, but we have our pimp, you know he is like our manager. His name is Lucius Malfoy.   
  
Jerry: Yes, we have him here today, too. Everyone, Lucius Malfoy!  
  
(Lucius comes out, wearing a white fur pimp coat, blue velvet suit, black leather boots with small steel heal, hat with fake peacock's feather, black shades, and carrying a pimp cane.)  
  
Audience: Boo!  
  
Jerry: Hello Lucius. Nice to see you, again.   
  
Lucius: Whadup?  
  
Jerry: Well these two young girls claim that you have been pimping them out.  
  
Lucius: Yeah, those two are my girls!  
  
Padma and Parvati: See, he respects us.   
  
Jerry: But he is a psycho, lying scum, perpetrator of the blasphemy...  
  
Lucius: Shut up, let the girls show you their dance and than you can judge them!  
  
Men from the audience and some women, Padma, and Parvati: Yeah!  
  
(some ghetto stripping music starts playing and Padma and Parvati come out dancing, grinding to each other. As soon as they start taking each other's clothes off, being left in thongs and strapless bras, Lucius walks in between them and grinds, taking off his fur hat, and weaving with his cane.)   
  
Lucius: Meet Kandi!  
  
(Padma does her solo dance that consisted of rubbing her privates off Steve)  
  
Lucius: And meet Kane!  
  
(Parvati, caught mad in trance, does ghetto dance on Lucius, who doesn't stop weaving his cane around.)  
  
(the music stops, and they all sit down, the twins pulling their clothes back on carelessly.)  
  
Jerry: Now, it is time to meet their boyfriends who have been watching this in the back. Meet Seamus and Dean.   
  
(Seamus and Dean come out, Seamus wearing Ecko jersey and Fubu pants, while Dean was dressed in Sean John)  
  
Seamus: What the fuck do you think you're doing, Padma?  
  
Dean: Cool, my girl is a stripper!  
  
Lucius (to Seamus): Hey, that girl is under my protege and she is earning decent money for living.   
  
Padma: Seamus, baby, I really need some money. Anyway, when we started going out I was stripped already...  
  
Seamus (to Padma): Shut up, bitch!  
  
Lucius: Hey, you're calling my girl a bitch, you leprechaun  
  
(Lucius jumped in front of Seamus, getting ready, if Seamus attacked, to defend himself with his pimp cane)  
  
(Steve broke them apart, taking away Lucius' pimp cane, and showing Seamus to sit down on the other side of the room. Seating arrangement was like this, from left to right: Seamus, Dean, Parvati, Padma, and Pimp Lucius)  
  
Jerry: So Seamus, how do you feel about your girlfriends stripping herself for money?  
  
Seamus: I find it disgraceful.   
  
Padma: Whatevah, whateveh, you don't know nothing!  
  
Jerry: What about you, Dean?  
  
Dean: I think that it is the best thing she has ever done. But couldn't she tell me? God, when I tell all of my friends about this... they will be so jealous...  
  
Lucius: And I protect your girl.  
  
Dean: Lucius, you're my man!  
  
Jerry: So Parvati, Padma, how do you feel now when your boyfriends have shown what they think about your profession?  
  
Parvati: Great!  
  
Padma: That shows only how empty headed scum Seamus had always been.   
  
Seamus: But you don't need the dirty money, baby!  
  
Lucius: Hey, it is not 'dirty money', they get paid with the money strip bar owners rightfully earned on the drug distribution  
  
(he said, kicking the floor with his beloved cane, after Steve gave it back to him)  
  
Padma: Thank you, Lucius, baby. Seamus, don't you know how bad it feels being poor? I mean, I don't have money for clothes, jewellery, accessories, hair-stylist, I can't go to a spa... now, I can do all those things.   
  
Seamus: Well I could support you baby? Why didn't you ever ask me?  
  
Padma: Well I always asked you. But no, you always spend your money with your buddies in the Leaky Cauldron on your stupid pints...   
  
Jerry: Seamus, are you still willing to stay in this relationship with Padma, even though she is stripping for money?  
  
Seamus: No!  
  
(he snarled and went out of the studio, never coming back)  
  
Padma: Whatevah, you bastard!  
  
Lucius: That's the spirit lass!  
  
(he caressed her thigh gently)  
  
Jerry: So Padma, don't you want to reconsider your decision?  
  
Padma: No.   
  
Jerry: And you, Dean, are staying with Parvati.   
  
Dean: Of course!  
  
Jerry: Then that's done. Thank you for watching today's show, after we come back, Ginny Weasley wants to tell her parents something. 


End file.
